Blurt out loud.

Technically, this isn’t the first post because I deleted the real first one. I’m confusing myself already, so I’m just going to move on.

It took me about two hours to realize that adding a new page was adding a new little “tab” at the top of the website, which is what I wanted to do, but couldn’t figure out how. So when I finally managed to add the new page, I realized there was no purpose or point to the page. I thought about writing an About Me page, but there really is no use in that because I think the only people who will read this is me, and maybe a few friends, maximum.

Like I said in the deleted post, I’m supposed to be writing my college essay. My mom thinks I’m writing it only because I’m typing, instead of clicking around. OH CRAP. And I just tried to get into my common app account, and I get a page telling me there’s an error.

I complain a lot, and I acknowledge the fact that I can can will get annoying. But now that I know, and you know, I’m allowed to complain. I’ve warned you. I really dislike school. It’s relatively three times more stressful than junior year. Seniors last year should have TOLD us, instead of telling us about how bad junior was going to be… it wasn’t that bad. But now I’m freaking out, and I found out today that gmail is being weird and basically isn’t sending my emails to the teachers and administration people, and I need them to reply to me, because hello? it’s my future on the line. Or a grade. And I want that A. And I start my sentences with ‘I’ a lot. But that’s okay. Being selfish isn’t a crime.

And recently, I’ve fallen out of touch with music and my iPod. I used to be like this music downloading fiend, but recently, I can’t bring myself to look for more good music. It’s like my brain is telling me, “No, no. You’ve already found the good bands. There are none left.” And that’s a depressing thought. Sort of like the thought of knowing that most of my favorite bands will probably break up within the next few years. And when they break up, it’ll signal the end to my childhood and teenage years. God, that is depressing. I need to get out of this self-pitying hole. But then again, maybe I like staying in my metaphorical hole. I mean, it’s like a comfort zone. The idea that if I stay in the hole, then nothing bad will happen. I’m being delusional or stupid. Maybe both.

On another note, I think blogging thing is a good idea (thanks yvonne). I get to rant like I used to on xanga. Get rid of the frustration and annoyance. Better than having it all in my head.