it’s like emu.

I’ve freaking ranted about this at least twice on xanga before and then also to individual people. But it’s like my words are like vapor. You see it one moment, and the next, it’s gone transparent and you forget that it ever existed. So, for the fricking umpteenth time, I am not emo. Oh fucking God, how many times do I have to say this to get it into your fucking head. Are your heads abnormally thick? Or are you just stupid. Yes, I get very annoyed and angry and IRRITATED (I am aware this it the same thing as annoyed, but I’m ranting. No interruptions please) whenever I have to bring this up.

But the plus side to this post: I can actually list specific examples because basically no one I know reads this thing. So, without further ado, I will continue with my rant.

So I listen to music that isn’t mainstream… most people know this. But what I don’t listen to is emo music. What the fuck is emo anyway? It’s overused and been recycled so many times. Okay, so it did start as a type of music originally, but it’s evolved (or devolved) into something ridiculously stupid. So I listen to artists that don’t always sing… it doesn’t mean they are screaming about death, drugs, etc. Most of them are hardcore Christians and don’t even swear. I don’t get it.

And the terms “screamo” and “emocore.’ Big wtf (t)here. Like I’ve said before, those terms were made up by people who can’t pronounce something more coherent and thought it would be oh so cool to tag the word “emo” to something pre-existing.

So I don’t like dressing in bright colors. I don’t like attracting attention to myself. Maybe I just like blending in. This doesn’t make me emo. For goodness sake, I love laughing. I like corny jokes and I hate crying and I hate people who call themselves emo or act ridiculously depressed. It’s like… focus on yourself and less on what I listen to or act.

So call me emo one more time, and I will snap at you. Again. And probably again, because you’re freaking idiots.

I don’t think it’s healthy that I’ve begun to dislike my friends.

expletives.

I get how my high school is different than the majority of high schools in the US. And I get how your best friends are your toughest competition, but seriously, I try not to pry into your life and how far you’re in your college application… and I thought people would be considerate enough to reciprocate my actions. But apparently not. If I say, “I don’t want to tell you,” I come off as a bitch. And if I tell you, you get this knowing look and I can totally see the cogwheels turning, but at the same time, I don’t have the heart to ask you the same thing. God. I’m a wimp. Just leave me alone. Focus on your own college applications, and stay out of my business. F*** you all. Well… maybe just some of you.

Hmm… I forgot what else I was going to say. Type. Whatever. Crap. But on another note, I love how in one class, if I’m the one that someone knows the best, s/he won’t stop bothering or talking to you. But when we’re in another class together, and there are other people around, I’m ignored when I ask a simple question. Eff you too. Leave me alone. I don’t want to answer your stupid questions.

I can’t wait to get out of this f***ing town and away from a lot of you.

I’ll probably end up deleting this entry after I cool down. But I think my temper rises faster when I haven’t gotten enough sleep. Physics is such a bitch. I stay up until three finishing a physics lab, and I get an F on a test. Life is really sucking right now. This shouldn’t be this hard.

Blurt out loud.

Technically, this isn’t the first post because I deleted the real first one. I’m confusing myself already, so I’m just going to move on.

It took me about two hours to realize that adding a new page was adding a new little “tab” at the top of the website, which is what I wanted to do, but couldn’t figure out how. So when I finally managed to add the new page, I realized there was no purpose or point to the page. I thought about writing an About Me page, but there really is no use in that because I think the only people who will read this is me, and maybe a few friends, maximum.

Like I said in the deleted post, I’m supposed to be writing my college essay. My mom thinks I’m writing it only because I’m typing, instead of clicking around. OH CRAP. And I just tried to get into my common app account, and I get a page telling me there’s an error.

I complain a lot, and I acknowledge the fact that I can can will get annoying. But now that I know, and you know, I’m allowed to complain. I’ve warned you. I really dislike school. It’s relatively three times more stressful than junior year. Seniors last year should have TOLD us, instead of telling us about how bad junior was going to be… it wasn’t that bad. But now I’m freaking out, and I found out today that gmail is being weird and basically isn’t sending my emails to the teachers and administration people, and I need them to reply to me, because hello? it’s my future on the line. Or a grade. And I want that A. And I start my sentences with ‘I’ a lot. But that’s okay. Being selfish isn’t a crime.

And recently, I’ve fallen out of touch with music and my iPod. I used to be like this music downloading fiend, but recently, I can’t bring myself to look for more good music. It’s like my brain is telling me, “No, no. You’ve already found the good bands. There are none left.” And that’s a depressing thought. Sort of like the thought of knowing that most of my favorite bands will probably break up within the next few years. And when they break up, it’ll signal the end to my childhood and teenage years. God, that is depressing. I need to get out of this self-pitying hole. But then again, maybe I like staying in my metaphorical hole. I mean, it’s like a comfort zone. The idea that if I stay in the hole, then nothing bad will happen. I’m being delusional or stupid. Maybe both.

On another note, I think blogging thing is a good idea (thanks yvonne). I get to rant like I used to on xanga. Get rid of the frustration and annoyance. Better than having it all in my head.